Inter-generational ranting -- really.

My In-laws are in the midst of moving down to south Florida.  This is a very ambiguous time for me, we love them terribly, my kids will miss seeing them weekly, and they honestly are the only real support we have in terms of potential babysitters, etc...we haven't ever had to really ask anyone else.  But the move is the best for them, they have wanted to do this for a long, long time.  The process includes moving my grand-mother in law, an 87 year old very lovely, very nice, very fun lady.  The IL's have driven down, and the ass-busting ride would not work out so well for said 87 year old.  Let's call her "Dawn" ... so we have taken her in, essentially babysitting her, until Friday (tomorrow!!!) when we take her to the airport and hand her off to the airport attendants to get her settled.

She is not feeble, she is healthy, talkative, opinionated, loving, and honestly lovely.  For a few hours.

DD has been in HEAVEN with Dawn here.  Dawn is DD's new best friend.  Dawn was given DD's room (which has a nice queen sized bd, etc) to sleep in while she is visiting us.  DD refuses to sleep in Sonny's room b/c she wants to have her sleep over with her octogenarian bff. DD doesn't even give me a kiss goodnight. Our long-standing bedtime rituals are not adhered to b/c Dawn tells her it's time for bed.  My children having this opportunity to spend time with their great grandmother is truly a blessing, though I feel every second that it's ticking me toward a huge crevice that I really want to jump into to escape the third parent here in the house.  really.  REALLY. I want to either jump into it or push her into it.  LOL I am pretty certain my IL's wouldn't really mind if she didn't make it down to FL, since she has lived with them for over 40 years now.  This would be like an unexpected alone-time honeymoon....two 60-somethings running around their new 5-bedroom house naked.  ew.

That being said, (ok, now i have to try to windex my mind b/c i am skeeved).

Dawn is driving me crazy. CRAZY, bonkers...kookie, nuts, circus freak crazy.  Truly, honestly, really....CA-RAZY.

I want to run out into the street screaming, if it weren't thundering out.  I am sitting here typing this out and hoping beyond home that she doesn't walk down the stairs and start in on talking to me LOLOLOL.

She can't hear extremely well. She's not deaf, but hears the wrong words.  She corrects my hubby and I when we say things to our kids.  She corrects our children when they haven't done anything wrong.  She is DRIVING ME NUTS with my son who's a bit chubby, by in odd little ways pointing it out to him.  *I*, ranty mom who likes to call a spade a spade, do not point out his chubbiness to him since I am pretty sure he's aware of it and I don't want him to lose the little bit of confidence he has (ala Gibby on iCarly...)

Last night DD was super over-tired.  When they went to bed, Dawn told DD she wouldn't read her a book.  DD decided that it was the perfect time to connip.  Full-out screaming and crying, inconsolable connip.  Dawn kept telling her to stop crying which made it worse.  (cue underdog music here) Hubby goes in and asks what's up.  Dawn tells him that DD is crying and she doesn't know why.  Under-Hubby tells her it's b/c she's over (fucking) tired and doesn't know how to wind down.....and Dawn keeps on the "i don't know why she's upset" path.  Not a good idea with a 4 yo ranting, crying and blubbering all b/c she's FUCKING TIRED.  There's no real reason...she isn't in pain, she's not sick.  She's tired. She's been outside most of the day, running, riding her princess bigwheel and forcing the other girls in the neighborhood to play with her barbies and jewelry and she's done. Now since you allowed her to sleep with you in her bed, READ HER A BOOK AND GO THE FUCK TO SLEEP.....but it continues for a few more minutes, bargaining between an 87 year old and a 4.5 year old (who do you think will win this one??) and the stories begin.

It's silent now, the rain is pouring, thunder is rolling across the sky, but there are no feet coming down the stairs and no whines or "DD, stop that, dd come back" in the octave of age.  I honestly love the silent moments which is why most days I get up at the ass-crack of dawn so i can get some work done job searching and such.....but today it's spent with more than a little anxiety.  If Dawn doesn't get up I have to go check on her, but if I check on her too early, she might still be breathing.....whoops i hear creaking footsteps in the hallway.  Nothing to decide -- today.  Now i hear the voices chatting young and old.  It's still a good day and I love them both but really stay the fuck asleep!!!

Keep on Rantin' all!!

effing idiot

my husband had to go to a cubscout thing today.  They were to meet at a local township school.  For some reason this FUCKING IDIOT thought it might be a good idea to follow our tomtom down a non-paved road.  Only when the fucking wheels of the 4 BY GOD DAMNED 4  jeep are totally stuck w/ the body of the truck caught on a plateau.  What a goddamned asshole REALLY???? who does this shit? With a 9 year old in the fucking car.  Our other car is not inspected nor registered b/c everything on it is going down the tubes.

So of course I had to drive out, with shovels.  The entire scout pack's parents started digging the car out and NOTHING....FML.  Went home with DH having  a nervous breakdown in the car, he took a shower, kids showered and I made dinner, and started calling around to places to get a tow truck out.  Got no answer at most places and those that did answer only have flat beds.  le sigh...so I went to bed to start round two of phone calls in the morning.

Monday morning -- found a place to tow the car (mind you, I am not the person who drove the jeep into a hole.) The price is one that will not overdraw my account so that's good.  Went out to meet the guy (all of us in the unregistered, un-air-conditioned car) and he towed it.  Tow Truck guy was super nice, only charged me the bottom price he quoted us, so that's good.

We found your boat

Now we are home again, luckily, with both cars.  One covered in mud of course but the winner of a husband will wash that off later today "once it's cooler outside"  I am showered and in a snit now b/c he's getting his feelings hurt by the other cub scout dads who are teasing him.  He feels like they are picking on him BOO FRICKING HOOO. really?  you are supposed to be a grown assed man. These guys work all day and then come out to take their kids to cub scouting events. The scout master sent this picture. LOL but it hurt my dh's feelings.  Then he starts talking about how they (two of the scout masters) pick on him and he's starting to get pissed off.  REALLY?  I cannot begin to tell him why people might pick on him. He wanders around oblivious to the fact that he has not worked for over 2 years, has made 0 effort to find a job...i struggle every single day to find employment that will support us, and allow some perks back into our life.  *I* am the one who calls his dad when we need something, *I* am the one who calls to get things fixed or replaced or removed. WHAT is wrong with this picture?  I am so mad right now I could spit, and he wonders why I second guess him when he makes decisions.  really? He could ask that with a fucking straight face.  oh my god, i joked about burying him back where the jeep was.  It was only half a joke, and only half b/c I would not do anything that might leave my children without either parent.

sigh.  /end rant

Job Fairs are NOT fun nor are they fair.

So as an unemployed formerly full-time employed mom, I am chomping at the bit for a job that actually entails receiving a reasonably sizable pay check with some health insurance and time off benefits.  Since April I have been looking -- albeit in spurts -- for a job. I have had a few interviews but nothing has come to fruition.   Essentially my full-time job is surfing the web and different job search sites to find jobs that I feel qualified for and writing cover letters/tweaking my resume to fit what the position's needs are.  My BIL sent a link yesterday to a job fair at Citizen's Bank Park in Philadelphia -- short drive from my home, so I figured why not??  Their tagline for this fair is "Let's make finding a job fun again" -- and the following snippet is directly from their website:  

The Grand Slam Job Fair is a fun and productive day where you can come and meet 60 to 70 of the area's hottest companies who will be on hand to instantly interview for a wide range of employment opportunities.

For the record, this website lied. It was neither fun nor productive

In preparation for my inaugural "Career Fair" event,  I reviewed the employer list that were slated to be on site (they showed over 60 and several of whom I am interested in joining albeit not at entry-level).  Being the semi-anal person that I am, I pre-registered (so as not to wait in the line to register in the morning), I updated my resume to it's more generic form and went to print it....


and *bum bah baaaaaaaaaahm*  printer ran out of ink about halfway thru printing TEN resumes.  The ink was fairly new btw, i purchased it in May...we don't print a lot. WTH???  No wonder the fucking thing was free when we ordered our laptop.  No worries, it may have been 10:00 pm but I can order printed copies from Fedex Kinkos -- or better yet I can stop there in the morning and just copy myself so that they are fresh and I can control that little bit of the process....


So the alarm goes off, i get up, make coffee, take a shower,dress in a pale lilac cami under a black jacket (3/4 length sleeves, buttons locked and loaded) and gray/black pinstriped pants and professional shoes.  I put make-up on my face and cover up on the (now healing) cold sore above my lip.  Out the door with about an hour to spare!!  Off to Kinkos to make my copies.


Oooops Kinko's server is down. I cannot use the self-service machines since they cannot use credit cards at this moment.  Luckily the girl running the desk could make copies for me, recommended resume paper and ended up charging me almost 18 bux for copies of my resume.  But that's OK since this might lead me to my dream job, right?  I am so so optimistic.  Believe it or not I am a people person. I enjoy meeting new people and networking/finding a way to better myself in most situations.  I am now on my way officially, with 30 fresh copies of my resume printed (first time in YEARS i have printed a resume to hand out other than to have copies at job interviews), my leather portfolio is ready to go in case I get an on-site interview as advertised on the website, and I look at least presentable (though my god damned car is HOT since my AC doesn't work AND my driver's side window is inoperable....) so i get to the site, park, and walk toward the stadium looking for the entrance.

I find it, and I find the line snaking from the entrance around one corner, so I follow it -- there is no indication that pre-registered people enter here and non-registered people register there. SO like a lamb being lead to slaughter, I followed the masses around the corner...then another corner, and a third to finally come to rest at the end of the longest line full of people from all walks of life, every end of the earth and honestly, some with extremely questionable personal hygiene and wardrobe choices.  Some of the contenders could have been pulled straight from the pictures on peopleofwalmart.com -- but at least THOSE people aren't hoping to get a job when they step out their front door...


Anyway, after following the line back to the entrance there are now employees pointing out for those of us who pre-registered which line to go in, so I go.  A simple sign could have fixed this mess, but I am not going to give into my negative Nelly thoughts...not right now at least....i smile, pull my jacket down a bit in back since it's now sticking to the sweat running down my back and pat the sweat off of my face and forge ahead into the melee of the career fair.


There were perhaps 40 tables set up, at least 4 were for colleges who were hawking THEIR classes and such to the job seekers.  The career placement companies were doing interviews, and at 15 minutes past opening, they were booked for 2.5 hours.  I could become a bartender, hawks one woman....or i could pay for my insurance licensing and work for AFLAC, Farmers, and various other insurance agencies.  I actually spoke to three people at tables.  I gave out two resumes.  One woman gave me her .02 as to which job to apply for and let me know that she'd keep an eye out for the application.  She also gave me pointers on which portions of my resume to highlight in the application process....so i appreciated that.


Every other table I went to (and including the one where the woman was so helpful) told me to go ahead and apply online if any of the jobs interested me.   APPLY ONLINE IF ANY OF THEIR JOBS INTEREST ME.  I looked at the jobs YESTERDAY....I was hoping to actually speak to someone about what they are looking for and find out what the chances are for me to fill their needs....not drive out in 90 + heat, walk around a super hot BALL PARK in my interview clothing to meet with recruiters who then tell me to apply online.  REALLY?  (can you tell my smile is now slipping, hairpins are shooting out of my head though I have super short hair and I am starting to mutter to myself) .... so i left the ballpark and have learned a nice lesson that I won't go back to a job fair again...or if I do I am going to wear whatever I want and do whatever I want..... of course THAT will be the day that my dream employer is actually giving interviews and they spot me coming in my peopleofwalmart shorts and backboobs. 




Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!  

I love SuperNanny

It's true. I love Supernanny.  I wish that I were not married so I could propose to her, if I lived in NY or another socially progressive state that would allow it.  It's not that I am interested  in her as a sexual being, but man oh man she is consistent, firm, funny, and warm all in a plump pudding package... she's a bit fashion-awkward and such but that's not a problem for me.  


I am troubled by my love for her though....because I sit and watch the Supernanny for hours, honestly.....while my kids do whatever it is they want to do in our play room.  I engage with the TV show, taking pointers and information that truth be told, I will never use because I know that I am a lazy parent.  I hate that about myself, but realize that while she amazes me, and has super ideas that really will help to run my life, my household and my children's schedules smoothly, that I won't ever use the advice.  I will be the parent that cries during the family meeting and will pledge to do whatever it takes to get my life and family on track, and then the.very.split.second she goes on her trip away, I will revert to my lazy bass-ackward ways of parenting.  I would sheepishly watch the DVD of shame, where she'd highlight where my husband and I did not follow the techniques in place and how we lacked and I will, honestly and truthfully, swear to continue to be better -- and I will...while she is there.  


My house is a mess, though not a hoarded mess (thank you lord!!) but I teeter on being on the brink... my kids are a mess LOL and I would love Supernanny to come and live with us and never leave.....at least not until DD is in college -- i am skeered of DD and think Jo Frost could help manager her ;) with little or no violence...Jo Frost - if you are reading this, please email me at RantyMom@gmail.com -- i might even get a divorce for you :)  


<3 RantyMom

Dancing Queen

DD will be in her first ever dance recital in less than two weeks.  She's pretty excited, more for the fact that she'll get to wear mascara, eyeliner and lipstick.  I am afraid once she gets ON the stage she will never get off....her class's number is about halfway through the first act, and I am truly fearful that we will have to physically remove her from the stage which will include mom and/or dad running around chasing her screaming....

The whole world is her stage!

This girl thinks that the entire world is her stage.  She is filled with joy and energy radiates from her body.  She loves to be the center of attention and frankly, I will be surprised if she follows the rest of the dancers off stage without tears and screaming from her parents.

No matter what happens on recital night, her dad and I, her grandparents and her brother will be very proud.  My hope is we won't have to resort to removing her from the facility but if we do, it will be ok, another page in the memory book that is DD.  She is challenging and so different from Sony, but she is worth the challenge and pays us back every day in hugs, kisses and unbridled zest for life.

Freaky Eaters

I cannot believe that these things are real.  In my head I *know* it is true, but come ON...only eating corn starch or potatoes with cheese every.single.day cannot even be considered healthy...

Good luck Freaky Eaters and I commend you for getting help...but COME ON......

/end rant.

Hoarders....no judgement but observing.

I have a small addiction to home improvement shows (sell this house, moving up, that type of thing) and to shows about mental health issues that manifest in unusual ways: hoarding, animal hoarding, eating disorders, surgical addiction...things like that.  In some small way seeing how out of control other people can be puts into perspective, however moderately, in control I am.

I am messy. I am a piler...i have stacks of things on our kitchen table (homework/school things; activities for the kids; important mail;) but they are manageable piles.  We don't need a path through any room, and our bathrooms and kitchen sinks don't have indescribable pudding in them.  

What really SCARES me though is that I could see how one day I might find myself on TLC or Discovery or OWN completely surrounded by things.  I find that when I am stressed out, upset or depressed I tend to "clean up" but that means I take things that can be put away and put them in plastic bags.  I then have multiple plastic bags (target, walmart, kohls) filled with paper or items that need to be put away...they aren't sitting and blocking the way to my bed or surrounding the entrance to the house but I can imagine how out of hand I could get in my tendency to need things and the fear I have from time to time to throw anything away.  Sonny might need the study guide to his test from the beginning of 3rd grade.  DD might need to see her dance schedule from her first year in ballet.  DH probably would need the gamer magazine with portal II highlighted since, yanno, he doesn't HAVE portal II(he does).

It is frightening to see how truly out of control the people highlighted on the different hoarding shows are.  Even "clean house" reflects at least some level of hoarding behavior -- i worry about THOSE people b/c the reason that the home has become so full of things don't seem to really be addressed.  The home is beautified and the viewer walks away from the show thinking "wow what a gorgeous home" but where are these people in 5 years?  I know they follow up, but it's usually within a year of the Clean House team.  What support is in place for these families who are obviously dealing with some level of emotional issue.

Something else that terrifies me -- some of the people featured on the shows don't seem to realize just how bad they are living.  Some of the people have to go to local gas stations to use the restroom, have to shower at work and sleep in their cars. The smells alone would have to drive you out...i cannot imagine being so immune to the stench of rotting food, animal carcases, animal and human feces and urine....but it happens it HAS to happen otherwise, how could one live like this?

So it's something I think about.  Not a rant, not only about being a mom, but i think about it. A lot...and hope that I stay ahead of my tendencies and stay aware of my fear.